William James, in his seminal book The Varieties of Religious Experience, draws a contrast between what he calls “Once Born” and the “Twice Born” people. I am, and you are also dear reader since you are here, in the latter category.
Once Born people appear biologically predisposed to happiness. They tend to be easy-going, upbeat individuals who are more accepting of their place in life. More often than not, they're not spiritual seekers in the modern sense, and if they have any spiritual disposition, it is usually a faith they were cradled into.
By contrast, Twice Borns feel there is something wrong with reality that must be resolved. As James expounds, “There are persons whose existence is little more than a series of zigzags, as now one tendency and now another gets the upper hand. Their spirit wars with their flesh, they wish for incompatibles, wayward impulses interrupt their most deliberate plans, and their lives are one long drama of repentance and of effort to repair misdemeanors and mistakes.”
Sounds like us Twice Borns are a tad cursed. And yet, James argues that some of the happiest people are actually Twice Born. How so? Well, the Twice Born attitude towards life often leads to an existential “crisis”, often accompanied by a strong desire to make sense of things. This leads us to find authentic meaning, significance, and purpose. Also, as seekers we are more conscious of any inner turmoil where First Borns may repress aspects of their confusion. As such, the challenges of Twice Borns are not seen as obstacles to happiness, but rather as the means to achieve a deeper and more lasting happiness.
This all leads me to highlight Gerald G. May's Will and Spirit: A Contemplative Psychology, which I consider a terrific book for anyone who identifies as Twice Born. It’s one of those books I wish I read when I began my quest, as May is astute at pointing out all the traps and distortions fledgling spiritual aspirants will often come across.
Why do we go off the rails? May says, “The problem here is not so much what one believes as how rigidly the belief is held. Extremes of monism and dualism get into trouble not because they are inherently right or wrong but because they create frozen images of reality. They reduce the way things are to systems that, though they may be comprehensible, are so strict and brittle that they fail to embrace the vibrancy of real life. They miss the mystery. If unitive experiences could teach us only one thing, it should be that life is infinitely vast and mysterious, and that it is a process so rich and dynamic that the more we understand of it, the more mysterious it must become.”
Hence, we must “be willing to surrender one’s habitual tendencies to either solve or ignore mystery”, as well as be “willing to risk some degree of fear.” As they say in Zen: If it’s in the way, it is the Way.
May adds, “But while we may not be able to realize union, we can at least escape from separateness and keep our self-image. We can seek a series of romances; we can deaden our awareness; we can lose ourselves in activity; we can try to convince ourselves that our willfulness is really willingness.”
There's plenty of distraction for all of us to restrict awareness. But even in our “attempts” to relax “involves an effortful act of shutting out stimuli.” This is a fascinating point, as it appears all artificial stimulants to relax are just other forms of distraction from what is.
The table below from May's book clearly shows the ways we can dull or restrict the mind, when open, relaxed alertness is the path...
As Twice Borns, “The hunger for love is not a simple matter of wanting to love or be loved by other people; nor is it just the psychological gratification that comes with feeling that others think you are important to them. Nor is it just the basic desire for human contact. All these things exist as strong forces within the human psyche, but still there is something more. We are touching here upon a desire to be in love with life itself, with creation, with the universe, or with God.”
The flavor of May's teaching is Christian, although he pulls from many traditions. But I do find his Christian disposition to be of importance, as I believe the spiritual guardrails are more emphasized throughout his book. For instance, here are some additional insights I find useful that are typically not found in an Eastern approach:
“As arid as theology may seem in our modern experience-oriented world, it remains one of the best human protections against spiritual distortions. It is somewhat ironic that as our culture probes into the realms of spiritual experience as a reaction against too much dry theology, we are ever more in need of that theology to keep our explorations sane.”
“Deepening willingness is the only thing we can “do,” the only “how to” of the entire process.”
“And while we do not necessarily find God through the sacrifice of our self-importance, we may indeed become more willing to realize that God has already found us.”
“We must repeatedly remember that we cannot in any way design or accomplish our own spiritual growth.”
“Words of Scripture, senses of divine presence, and intellectual ability are no longer things of themselves, no longer even means to an end. They are windows of special clarity into the ever-present mystery of creation. They are in fact gifts that expand the even greater gift of not-knowing.”
“Duality, at its core, is every bit as mysterious as unity.”
“In sin, this separation is a mistake. In evil, it is intended.”
“Wholeness can mean anything. Psychologically, it can mean coping, or growth, or happiness. Spiritually it can mean belonging, re-union, or autonomy. It can be used to justify either willingness or willfulness. One of the destructive uses of wholeness, in my opinion, is the attempt to presume that psychological growth and spiritual growth are synonymous.”
“Jacob Needleman says that psychology and spirituality should be separated rather than integrated because 'the former seeks to help a person solve the problems of living; the latter deepens the Question of human life itself. For the psychotherapist, therefore, the great challenge is to assist the patient in solving his problem without closing his Question.' ”
“Our error is in thinking that we are, can be, or should be separate, autonomous, independent, alone, or otherwise away from God and each other. Or in jumping to the conclusion that because God transcends us and all our imaginings, God is not at the same time immediately present and alive within us.”Read this book!